Tom Church. What a card. Just three days after failing to turn up as hare of the New York City hash he guaranteed his election as NAWW asshole of the year by failing to turn up yet again. This time there was no excuse about having to work. This was planned in advance and even included him getting the JMs to bring the hash forward one week to April 1st. Yes, April Fools Day and we all fell for it. Actually all is a bit of an exaggeration. It's more accurate to say five of us fell for it. Other hashers were no doubt put off by the fact that it was pissing down something rotten.

Fortunately St. Tom graciously informed the JMs earlier in the day that his offer to be the hare was a big con. This gave Alice and Geoff a few hours to come up with some alternative. Alice informed us that she was the hare. All well and good. She's not exactly a novice at trail setting. Only problem was that she still had her leg in a cast and she was hobbling around on crutches. All was soon revealed. She had set a virtual trail. Given that any flour and chalk would have disappeared in the downpour she gets full marks for improvisation. We were all given a piece of folded paper which, when fully unfolded, was in the shape of a hare. With the threat of some dire punishment if we unfolded more than one fold at a time (as Curtis would say "What? You mean you're going to make me drink beer?") we were informed that each fold would indicate the location of the checks, or rather the virtual checks.

But what to do about the bags. The storm had driven every empty cab from the streets. "I can manage", said Alice. Sure. Leg in a cast, on crutches and five bags. There was some discussion as to whether Geoff or Darla would help. Darla, looking for any excuse not to get soaked to the skin, got the job which left three of us to run the trail. Geoff, Ewa and your scribe.

I still have my piece of paper so I can reconstruct the trail with great accuracy. St. Thomas Church -54th between 6th and 7th -55th between 5th and Madison -53rd between Madison and Park -Grand Central and Helmsley Building -Waldorf Astoria -Citicorp Building -On In at Mexican on 53rd between 2nd and 3rd. Each virtual check was in a covered area. Not the most exciting trail I've run but given the circumstances -dick head as the original hare, cripple for the late replacement and rain fit for a Queens AGM -it was a fine effort. The pack kept together which meant Geoff and I would run to the next check then hang around in the dry for five minutes or so until Ewa arrived complaining that her feet was wet or her mascara was running.

The on in could have been on a back street in Mexico City except that they had Sam Adams on tap. Also reminiscent of Mexico City was the fact that two guys were standing in front of the men's room shredding chicken. I opted for the veggie burrito which came with tofu sour cream and soy cheese. You wouldn't get that in Mexico City. Down downs were conducted with tequila. One down down for each of us for being stupid enough to run on such a dreadful evening.