Annual Winter Wednesday Skating fest with a run for the chickens.

As a day of the week, Wednesday holds the unenviable position as the "Hump Day", the mid point marker of our labors as we wait and hope for the weekend. And Hashing, as we all know, is that unlikely blend of uncertainty, of the question 'Where are we going?' combined with the promise of all that we have come to expect whence we have arriven.

How special a team, how noble a concept, and how perfect in form and function are these two when united. Wednesday and Hashing fused together represent to me all that is good, and right, and just. And so this small attempt at capturing in writing some fraction of the magic of one particular Hash is done out of respect for the Wednesday Hash as an institution. And it is with great honor and humility that I anticipate the joyous spring and summer seasons, as the Wednesday Hash returns to its deserved position as a regular and customary component of our lives, where our devotion is never eclipsed or outshone, except by our thirst, and our ne'er ending quest for decent trail markings, and so forth.

And speaking of humility and bright lights and so forth, I think I might just put in a good word for the New Year's Eve party. My recollection is that it was spectacular. And that is my story and I'm sticking to it. And so we began at 57th and Madison on the last day of March, the eve of April fools, and it was delightfully warm. Alice led the skating contingent off to Wolmerink and the running chickens set off south.

No Hash, or true adventure, is without controversy. Unfortunately this particular Hash was immersed in a fairly deep heap of it. Right from the start it seems that some Lady Hasher, whose identity shall remain obscured, had a fury fit about the size or length or some such measure of something related to a prior Hash and/or Hashes and that said Lady Hasher would refuse to participate in a future hash if the length of things was not up to her expectations, preferences, or whatever. And so in this hash, where we might normally have expected to see something on the order of an Eagle/Chicken split, instead we had an AM/Chicken split. I believe the "AM" is an abbreviation of Anndroidius Marieisacomplainer-allthetimeus, the zoologist's classification of the mammal to be honored in place of the Eagle. I chose the AM route, and since I do not want to be one of those who complain all the time, I will attempt to withhold any further comment regarding AM or her special route.

But a bigger controversy was brewing related to the magical beer check. Or should I say mythical. Because the enormity of the thing, its effect on humanity and so forth, was of such magnitude that it will undoubtedly eventually be accorded status as legendary. First of all, the Hare gave full and clear notice of the existence of a beer check. Actually, I did not hear it myself probably because I was taking my pants off at the time, but upon further investigation of the issue I confirmed that most if not virtually all of the Hashers knew about the beer check. So you would probably expect that Hashers would keep hashing and would not give up until the beer check was fully exhausted. Which leads me to check number two. There is a little cement park over on 57th and Ninth or thereabouts, and some arrows pointed into the park. Well, when I got there some guy was walking his dog; or I should say was letting his dog walk around without a leash. It was a pit bull I think, only bigger. Anyway, the blocks are really long around there, and me and this other guy made a whole bunch of loops looking for the trail, and we almost completely covered every possibility when I ran into a big group of hashers. Unfortunately, Luigi the long distance freak had already called the hotline and blurted out the "On In" location for all to hear. He did this when we were all only a short distance from the soon to be legendary beer check. Actually, Luigi normally caves in to temptation and calls HASH-NYC at every payphone he sees after the first 15 minutes, so perhaps we should not blame him too much because it was well over 1 hour into the run. And furthermore in the defense of Luigi, he always buys Kamikaze shots at the On In. But if not for the special circumstances concerning this special beer check, all hopes and aspirations of the beer check would have been lost.

But the beer check was not to be ignored. For the trail to the beer check was perfectly marked, and there were additional multi-media clues pulling us in. And thus within a few blocks of the Met, we heard the majestic sounds of the great tenor Ozzie on his classic specially modified for this hash: "Dun nah .... Hashers gather in their masses .. Dun nah ... ". There were 3 gasoline powered Quad Search Light machines arranged in an equilateral triangle approximately 50 meters on a side. These lights spiked up through the nighttime south central park sky, and beckoned all to the check. What was once green grass was pulverized into mud by the teaming throngs as they lurched towards the beer check. At the center was our hare; Geoff, courageously performing his duty as he deftly maintained the teaming crowds at no more than a level-3 riot intensity, and thusly spared us all from what would otherwise have accelerated into a most disastrous massacre. The crowds were so rambunctious and the confusion was of such an intensity that Geoff was only able to confirm the identity of one particular hasher Kyle Krall, but the confirmed identity of every single person who attended is not what the beer check was about. It's about Hashing, and Wednesdays, and legendary status, and caring and human understanding, and enlightenment and so forth. The lights were for the skaters, but they had gone their way.

While inside at On In there might have been a few little grumblings about the trail and the beer check. Sort of an unstated sense in the air was that some hashers might have wanted a somewhat more spectacular beer check, or even more clues and signals and so forth. As if that was possible. But then Geoff must have felt some sort of urge to say something, not that anybody had accused him directly to his face per se, but he blurts out "I would not have had a problem following that trail". Which was followed in perfect Don Ricklesque microsecond timing by Sucks After Dark with "That's because you laid the trail". I was quite taken by the particular comedic timing (after several pints and Kamikazes) of these two remarks so I immediately rushed for paper to jot them down while still in my head. Seeing this, and knowing full well that I was going to be memorializing this particular hash, Geoff adds "People who take notes on the hash are bad". I should have said "Yes, but in the morning I'll still be bad". But instead I kept writing. Then Geoff indignantly prolongs his stage presence with "I think I'm quoting the 42nd amendment. I shall not incriminate myself'. Unfortunately, Elaine's lawyer friend (Ed Note: oxymoron) had already left the premises so she was unable to help Geoff with his amendment invocations. I think I heard that the 42nd amendment was not about self incrimination, it was for the decriminalization of self gratuitousness, but you will have to check with Luigi. But they say America is a free country, home of the mighty and the strong, and so forth.

A few moments later Sucks After Dark sought to extend his minutes of fame by announcing that he would sing a little Operah for us. And he certainly did. Just a little advice to anyone interested in hearing it yourself, be sure to wait until more than a few pints have been had before you ask him. I am truly impressed by the collection of academics, whether they be linguists / archaeologists / historians and so forth, who have labored to distill the meaning from ancient Egyptian Hieroglyphics. Unfortunately, such expertise was not available to assist in the deciphering some of the deeper meaning to the prior Hash's write up written by Alice, a large part of which was done in English. There was a photograph on the back, but thank goodness my face was obscured. But I really do appreciate an On In that serves fresh and properly poured Guinness. And so the hare deserves applause. Overall, it was a really good hash. Had a really good beat and was easy to dance to.