Brooklyn Hash House Harriers
Run #206 September 18, 2000
Hares: Danny Choriki and
Pat Cuff
Start: Bedford Ave. on the L
On-In: The Pour House,
Metropolitan Ave.
Scribes: On-Sec Flunky Tiger’s Woody and On-SeC Janet
People
are constantly asking us, “How do you manage to have such great hashes here in
Brooklyn?” Well, dear reader, it would
not be possible without the skilled work of two important people: the hare and
the scribe. In lieu of a traditional
writeup this week, we give you a convenient checklist for great runs like the
one on September 18:
Creating
the Network
1.
Install
the help and the loyalty of a Brooklynite by promising to hold the run in her
neighborhood, sort of.
Planning
the Trail
2.
Drive
around in car with Brooklynite friend.
3.
Laugh
at soggy pedestrians after downpour.
4.
Review
map while stopping off for breakfast of Guinness and eggs.
5.
Have
another Guinness.
6.
Get
out Palm Pilot and fuck around with it.
7.
Have
another Guinness.
8.
Listen
to Brooklynite talk on and on about Nile pesticides and dead flies.
9.
Have
another Guinness.
10.
Call
up good friend Pat and persuade her to run trail to make sure it works.
Making
Arrangements with the Bar
11.
Get
the Brooklynite friend to cough up names of the hash’s usual bars.
12.
Get
friend to pick one.
13.
Get
friend to make deal with bar.
Setting
the Trail
14.
Get
Pat to do it; she’ll run anywhere.
15.
Load
Pat with flour and send her off while you guard the car.
Orchestrating
the Event
1.
Show
up at the Brooklyn Hash. This may
require several attempts, but the Flunky earns bonus points for appearing when
most of mismanagement is out of town.
2.
Assist
hare by joining him for a drink prior to hash day and telling him which of your
favorite waterholes to use.
3.
Load
Pat with flour and send her to the start in your place, thereby drawing
attention away from your own absence and also lowering expectations for the
trail.
4.
Arrive
at the start after the pack leaves, but before the hashmobile pulls away so
that luggage will be transported to bar.
5.
Lose
trail after the first mark, so that you are forced to run your own shorter
route directly to the on-in. Arrive in
plenty of time to freshen up and greet the pack.
Managing the On-In
6.
Entertain
waiting hares and civilians and taste-test the evening’s beer selections.
7.
Laugh
at hapless runners still on trail.
8.
Console
tired runners as they arrive.
9.
Disavow
knowledge of ridiculous checks that the pack had to spend twenty minutes
solving.
10.
Assess
the hashers’ reaction to the beer, ambiance, air quality before taking credit
for On-In.
11.
Arrange
slices of lemon for their beers to occupy hashers’ attention before real food
arrives.
12.
Pull
out stack of papers to prove to boss that you wrote writeup for the previous
run.
13.
Distribute
writeup by putting stack of them behind pizza boxes.
14.
Leave on-in early, well before the On Sec
remembers that someone has to do the new writeup. Claim that you will be working through the night so she’ll
hesitate to make you do two writeups in a row.
Avoiding Down-Downs
15.
Stand
behind tall hashers
16.
Deny
any involvement with the hares when they are called forward. When questioned about your own involvement,
discuss self in the third person.
17.
Distract
mismanagement by giving them down-downs for crazy things like weddings (Joint
Master), engagements (On Sec), and perhaps even for wearing bright red civilian
shirts (Hash WhoreMeister).
18.
Sing
loudly, sip quietly.
The Writeup
19.
Secretly
write up the hash days before the event is to take place.
20.
Do
not update with any details from the day of the hash.
21.
Contact
On Sec a few days after the hash offering your partial writeup.
22.
Bask
in the glow of her freshly kissed butt.
23.
Suggest
that she add it to her own account of the events, since you didn’t run the
trail and left early.
24.
Rest
up for the following hash.