According to Curtis's business card he is a legal editor. I'm not sure what this means exactly but I assume it means he will edit this write up to make sure there is nothing libelous in it, that it is politically correct and that nothing of a culturally insensitive nature has crept in. If so it probably means the write up will be reduced to about ten lines.
I arrived at the start with Yoshi and we stood around for a while wondering where everyone was before realizing that the thirty odd people standing on the corner of Columbus and 72nd were hashers, or at least wannabe hashers. I know I'd been away for ten days but to return and find no recognizable faces on a hash is a bit disconcerting. Eventually some familiar faces arrived including Brooklyn Jerry who came with his twin sister. At least that's who we thought it was until she spoke and we realized it was Ewa sporting a new haircut. I think she'd just been to an audition for the stage version of Schindler's List.
Considering this was run number five of the marathon seven hashes in ten days there was a surprisingly large crowd awaiting the arrival of the Grand Mistress, as we now have to refer to Marion. We were wondering what kind of hash we were in for. Michael H. was asking where he could buy a bandanna because the Almighty Mistress had asked him to bring some oriental clothing. Then the Supreme Mistress started writing numbers on everyones hands. Apparently the on in location was so exclusive we would only be allowed in if we had the aforementioned number. Obviously it wasnt going to be a typical hash bar that allows anyone in and is populated by three drunks and a dog. Windows on the World was a bit far. The Rainbow Room maybe. Another mystery was when the Illustrious Mistress informed us that there would be a K check. What the fucks a K check we all thought.
No doubt all would be revealed and we set out on the trail, going straight into the park. The trail was well set with a number of good checks, quite surprising since the Exalted Mistress does most of her hashing from the comfort of her red Mistressmobile. Any of various bovid mammals of the genus Ovis and related genera / a meek or timid person, especially one without initiative are two of the definitions in my dictionary for sheep. A third definition quickly jumps to mind. A large group of hashers who arrive at a check and gaze at it forlornly while four hashers run hither and thither finding the trail. This scene repeated itself several times, most notably at the check as we came out of the park on the west side. We checked north and west and back in the park. Has anyone checked south? we asked the 35 hashers gazing expectantly at the check. No they replied in unison. Well I guess this is a taste of whats to come once the warmer weather is here.
The trail headed west and into Riverside Park and to the long awaited K check at the 79th Street Marina. Betsy was dressed in a red yukata like robe and had knitting needles stuck in her hair. She proceeded to hand round small cups of some indeterminate adult beverage. Its a kamikaze check we were informed. A hash hush was called and Yoshi mounted the steps and yelled yoroshiku onigaishimasu..kampai. All very mysterious. History is not my strong point but I knew it wasnt Pearl Harbor day. I can only assume it was something to do with the fact that the Japanese prime minister was visiting Washington that day. It was never explained to us. We were expecting to be invited onto the Eminent Mistresss private yacht for cocktails but she pointed us back East and we legged it over to The Gorge, as the Black Bass now calls itself. An excellent run Marion. But we now come to the on in.
Beer wise it was a good choice. Petes Wicked and Sam Adams were both available as well as the other stuff for those born without taste buds. The king size sandwiches were also a welcome change from pizza and wings. But the whole point of an AGM, or BGM as this was, is to thank the outgoing committee, welcome the incoming committee, give out sundry awards and have as many down downs as the joint masters can think of. This is not best done when you are trying to compete with a juke box going full blast. Curtis made a valiant effort but apart from the three people standing directly in front of him nobody heard a word. Why, for example, did Michael H. get two down downs? One, presumably, for being the new hair raiser. But the second one? And where was the Honorable Mistress when all this was going on? Andy was extremely grateful to be elevated to joint master along with his better half. I was standing next to him as Curtis made the announcement. Oh fuck off was his immediate reaction. Its nice to know that the future of the GGFMH3 is in such willing hands.
Editor's Note: Because there's so much space left and some unanswered questions, I offer the following. (CF)
Understandably, the fleet-footed Roy Gilbert missed what happened near the back of the pack at 78th and Amsterdam. Seems we had a couple of virgins--extraordinarily young looking virgins--and one of them was hit by a taxicab at that intersection. To those who may recall, these two were the young chippies wearing baggy jeans and street style sneakers to complement their exposed midriffs, makeup, and smart ability to accessorize for a run. You know, I remember my sister used to play dress-up when she was 15 years old also. Anyway, I arrived upon the scene after the ambulance and two police cars had arrived. Marian was there tending to the young girl and trying to convince her to get in the ambulance to allow the EMTs to check her over. I was amused to hear one cop berating the cab driver assailant with, "When you hit someone, you don't get out of your car and start yelling at them." Finally, after a profound amount of coaxing, Marian persuaded the girl to go to the hospital. Obviously frightened, she insisted on her friend accompanying her and retrieving her bag from the On-In. As her friend was neither David Copperfield nor his clone, though, Marian agreed to ride to the hospital with the petrified and mildly hysterical young lass while the other young `un fetched her bag. That explains Marian's absence. Now why did Mike Hoffman do a second down down? Because he was the only one talking to these fresh young faces attached to the nubile exposed bodies at the start. It all looked very innocent, Wendy, and the girls were showing no interest in young Master Hoffman. As for my yelling during the down downs, I was surprised to find out that the bar forgot to turn on the closed captioning in lieu of turning down the music. For those of you who can't read lips, here's the gist of what I was saying, "Blah blah blah blah blah drink it down down down down down down down down. And now, blah blah blah blah blah spittle."
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