As most regular hashers know, work travels (and other reasons) have sent me frequently to the left coast, keeping me from attending a Full Moon event for quite some time. Although hashing with the likes of "Dinged Up Dick" from the L.A. Hash, "Liposuc This" from the Long Beach Hash and "Crabs" from the San Francisco Hash has been a real treat, I was looking forward to attending the kinder and gentler hash back in New York City.
The thought that I had missed yet another Full Moon Hash, originally scheduled for Jan. 9th, was disappointing. However, due to a haring conflict, I learned that the next run was the Full Moon run on Friday, January 16th with Roy Gilbert as the hare. Being an ex-trail master extraordinaire, who at one time had some good advice for new and old hares, but now is seen eating cucumber sandwiches at the on-ins, Roy was sure to set a good trail (or so I thought).
Upon returning from being away for about a week, I logged on to my computer and found something like 523 new e-mails, all of high importance. When I finally got to the one from Michael Hoffman, the message was screaming!!! The hare extraordinaire had not only changed the date, but had now back out from setting the trail. Despite Michael's various attempts, no new volunteers had emerged. As I continued to read later e-mail messages, Hoffman was becoming increasing more desperate in his pleas. I have to admit, I did find some amusement in this and found myself checking my e-mail more and more frequently, just to see how far Michael would take this. Finally, when he cried that for the first time in history, the hash would have to be cancelled, I decided that I could no longer listen to his blubbering, and found myself the lone volunteer. Had I held out, I heard that Hoffman was ready and willing to pay a substantial sum for services rendered. Next time, I will know better.
Although I was the lone volunteer, Trisha Hoffman agreed to help my frantic attempt to figure a trail. Not only was she one helluva of a good co-hare, but she was a source of delightful entertainment. Since Trisha is a good friend, I will spare her any embarrassing stories, however you are encouraged to as her about it. I will comment that I thing she enjoyed hearing local authorities saying "Spread "em" followed by the clanking sounds of metal bracelets.
The trail originally was supposed to begin in Brooklyn, but since Trisha and I both live uptown, we quickly decided that Brooklyn was not going to happen! Keeping in tune with the "Tax-Free" shopping week, which was to begin on Saturday, we decided on a location of Bloomingdales. Those who did not want to run could wait with growing line of hungry shoppers who arrived very early for the start of the big sale. Unfortunately, Trisha and I both got stuck at work later than we anticipated and did not set out from the upper east side until ten minutes before 6 p.m. Since the trail was to begin at 7 p.m., we had no choice but to set the trail backwards from the On-In to the start. The last time that was done was about a year and a half ago when Patty Maloney attempted to do it. At one point, she ended up mixing up the arrows so one pointed east and another pointed west. The summer pack, en mass, ran back and forth on the same street about 100 times until someone finally figured out that the hare must have confused herself. It is now that I can say that I can now appreciate the challenge of setting a trail backwards.
Right before we began instructing fellow hashers, who do you think came a strolling in??? Yes, it was Roy. You know, the hare that not only rescheduled the date of the run, but then backed out due to what he claimed was a conflict. Yeah right, some conflict! After heckling Roy to the point that the bruises became evident, pack was instructed that the first mark was one block south of Bloomies. From there, the trailed weaved west and south to a check somewhere in the low 50's. It continued west and north to the entrance of the park on Central Park South. Not soon afterwards, there was an alleged chicken/eagle split. I heard later that some runners actually stopped for a while and contemplated which trail to take. It really did not matter because the chicken went down to the right and the eagle up an incline to the left. Both trails joined again about 200 yards from the split. The trail continued past other sights including Wollman Rink, the boat pond and the bandshell. The pack headed east out of the park at 72nd Street and continued east, north then west to 79th and Fifth. The front runners were taken back into the park, then over the transverse and out on the other side of 79th street. Smarter and slower runners were able to short cut that part by simply crossing the street. The trail continued its weave on the Upper East Side to the On-In which was at Fitzpatricks (85th and 2nd).
The pack arrived in about 40 minutes which was absolutely perfect for a seasonable Friday evening. Brooklyn JM, Fluffy Lockerman, once again conducted the ritual down-downs thus, initiating the initial flow of beer. Yours truly had another stellar down-down performance which Marie "Fleet" Wickham claimed to have taken only .89 of a second. Hooray for me! Perhaps what was the termed "the best pizza ever on the hash" arrived and hungry hashers momentarily stopped the gossiping to stuff their faces. The beer continued to flow freely for the next several hours, the music rocked and everyone seemed to be having a good time. Even Crofty, who originally commented that this was usually our On-On-In locale, seemed to be a willing participant in helping the late even the modest showing of flesh and a pathetic group of hashers playing cards, the night was yet another night in Hash Paradise.
P.S. Due to the fact the Full Moon scribe was M.I.A. and there were no other willing volunteers, I ended up not only setting the trail, but writing this damn write-up.
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