It was bound to happen eventually. The great global communications network that is the New York City hashing information system broke down, and it broke down hard. We’re talking shifting from 5th gear down to 1st with no pause. It seems our valiant Keith Kanaga went on some kind of all-expenses paid viagra-testing junket or other and left the hash hotline and website to just rot to pieces. In fact, some eyewitnesses swear that they heard Keith scream out "Fuck you all!" as he boarded a corporate jet to Rio de Janeiro.
Oh well, what can you do? Most of the regular hashes did alright as they’ve already seem to have been scheduled months in advance by over zealous Hare Raisers (shout out to John O’Connor) but the poor Full Moon Hash – we’re so fucked up we only know when the hash is going to be two weeks before the Moon does. So that meant we were left to hang out to dry while all the other hashes zipped along at 10,000 megabit-flops per second and with voice-activated remote dial-in answering services, etc.
Allison Hope was the hare and she set a good trail. While it begged the question of "If a hare sets a good trail, and nobody was there to run it, is it still a good trail?" Yes it is, godammit! It was a good trail with good checks and good scenery and a gorgeous sunset. We went from the start into Central Park, then dicked around a bit – passing by some kind of "Classical Music in the Park" thingie, then headed over to Riverside Park, then zigzagged over Dive 95. Dave Long was so good as to have marked all the checks for us before we even got there so it really took no time at all. Cheers, Dave! While I’m at it, some of the other runners were Crofty, Fluffy, Eva & Pierre.
As most of you know, the various Dive(s) are wonderful bars deserving of as much patronage as they can get as they always welcome the hash and make sure we have a good time as is possible. On top of their usual great service, this time provided by a tall, attractive platinum blond waitress from Texas, a wonderful thing happened in that our $15 hash cash created a modern day "Loaves and Fishes" situation in that our supply lasted forever and there was more beer and food than I ever saw, even at a fraternity party (OK, trick statement, I never saw any food at a fraternity party).
Joining us this week, for now and forever they say, was Brent and his better half, Minnie Brew, hashers from Atlanta (and other parts of the globe) who have recently moved to New York and currently reside in Brooklyn somewhere. I wish I could be more specific, but Brent was the geography major and as a typical American, I feel quite proud that I even know where Brooklyn is, let alone their particular neighborhood. I’m sure its lovely and nothing a fresh coat of paint couldn’t fix.
Later on the civilians showed up in the form of a late Marie Wickham, Alice, and a fully clothed Lucy Lips. Nice, considering the trouble with the hotline and minimal advertising. Which just goes to show – you can keep a horse from water, but you can’t make them not drink. Er, let me rephrase that!!!!!
The management wishes to apologize for that last comment, and rest assured the scribe has been severely horse-whipped.
Report: Aspirin Taken Daily With Bottle of Bourbon Reduces Awareness of Heart Attacks
PHILADELPHIA--In a medical breakthrough that should come as welcome news for millions of at-risk Americans, University of Pennsylvania cardiologists announced Tuesday that taking one aspirin tablet and a fifth of bourbon daily can "significantly reduce" an individual's awareness of heart attacks.
"This study represents a major victory in the fight against heart disease, America's number-one killer," said Dr. Arthur Katzeff, head of the University of Pennsylvania team. "Each year, more than two million Americans clutch their chests in terror and say, 'Jesus Christ! I'm having a fucking heart attack!' With this revolutionary new aspirin-bourbon treatment, however, such fully conscious incidents of cardiac arrest may soon be a thing of the past."
According to Katzeff, test subjects who were administered a single aspirin tablet in the morning, followed by a fifth of bonded Kentucky bourbon over the next several hours, were 85 percent less likely to realize they were having a heart attack than subjects who did not take aspirin with bourbon.
Americans are excited about the findings. "My four heart attacks have all been hellish," said Ronald Diering, an Evansville, IN, auto mechanic. "I was aware of everything that was happening, and I was gripped by the fear that I was going to die. But with this new aspirin-bourbon treatment, future heart attacks should be much less traumatic."
"Who wants to spend what could be their last moments on Earth in terror?" said Alex Broadhurst of San Jose, CA. "Better to enjoy another bourbon and lie on the floor waiting for the ambulance to show up."
University of Pennsylvania researchers said individuals who take aspirin and bourbon in the prevention of heart attacks may experience certain side effects, including slurred speech, impaired vision, and vomiting.
Upon waking up from a heart attack, researchers said, there is also a chance of having "a wicked hangover." In such cases, individuals are strongly advised to avoid bright lights and not to move around too much.
| www.hashhouseharriers.com | aol alternate site | e mail to webdom@hashnyc.com |
|---|