It was so close. How could I not go? I could see the ugliest building on the Upper East Side from the start (Mt. Sinai Medical Center's Annenberg building, where I unfortunately spend far too much time). How could I not go? It was a hot and humid, torrid day. The type of day where your local weatherman says, "if you're human and not totally out of your mind, go some place that has good air conditioning and stay there." How could I not go?
Well, while there may be debate on whether hashers are members of humanity or not, it is quite clear that we are not well within our minds. Such was the emphasis at the beginning of the run, located on the 95th and Lexington, when our glorious hare, Geoff, exclaimed quite proudly, "Welcome to the Greater Gotham Full Moon Lunatic Hash!" He obviously had our lot figured out. Naturally, the first thing we did is what we always do: Walk two blocks to the on-in and park our bags. Hmmm, sure does remove the motivation from following the trail. Someone just explain to me why we met at the corner of 95th and Lex? We weren't at a subway station, and we weren't at the now apparent On-in. What benefit was there? Why? Why? For the love of God (or some relatively illustrious deity), why? Oh well.
So we started with a check in front of Bar NY (said on-in) with the trail leading us toward the East River. From there we headed North along the FDR toward the foot bridge to (insert dramatic adventure music here) Ward's Island! Yes, that lovely green place with such great facilities as the Ward's Island Psychiatric Center. According to Mike Hoffmann, four people got mugged or killed or something here last year. On the Century Bicycle Road Tour, apparently one poor little cyclist got mugged while ON his bike. Gee, I wonder what the hardened warriors of Ward's Island are going to do to a bunch of lunatic runners. As we ran across the foot bridge, Lesley and I were politely informed by a Ward's Island veteran that the foot bridge closed at 8 PM. Hmmm, well, I guess the trail goes North. So off we go running to the east side of the island and then north. We found the chicken/eagle split which had the eagles running through the thickets (My poison ivy is much better thank you). I always find running on used hypodermic needles and old crack vials adds to the drama that is the hash. An interesting point of our tour, at the entrance of the eagle trail was a pile of black flat circular vinyl objects that I believe were once called "records?" Although personally I don't believe a word of it. After running by the stadium, and through what looked like a construction site, we came to a check close to the Randall's Island golf range. (Reader will note that the complete island consists of Wards Island on the south and Randall's Island on the north.)
Here, I am sad or perhaps happy to inform the crowd that I have
witnessed the working of the lord or at least Karma. While near the
driving range the newly appointed NYCH3 Asshole of the Year, had a
close encounter of the golf ball kind. The glorious deity while
practicing with his/her/its (can't tell in this day and age) new 5
iron apparently let one loose. Later, commenting about the trail, the
Asshole of the Year was heard saying, "I don't remember a thing before
the check at the driving range, but I've got this nifty golf ball
here." Apparently Elaine had one as well, but I think she just picked
it up. Once across the Triborough bridge back into Manhattan, being
rather tired, a few of us gave the decided "
Notes on the run:
A new precedent was set when Roy and Steve decided to run the trail
backwards. When asked, Roy's only excuse was "Why not!"
On a more sane note, Jennifer (Saigon H3) and Basil were seen running
around the Ward's Island Psychiatric Center (OK maybe not so sane) by
none other than NY's finest. The reader should note that we have not
always had a good relationship with NY's finest (see Sheepshead Bay
run last year). Feigning an ankle injury, Jennifer smiled her lovely
smile, put on her "Hi. I'm cute. Can you help me?" look, and got a
ride in the squad car toward the On-in. I don't think I wanna know
how Basil got a ride.
Finally, a short word to Elaine. Uhhmm, that circular thing you saw
in the western part of the sky might be the sun setting and not the
moon rising.
Down-downs were well executed by our legal editing specialist Curtis.
Curtis himself had the honor of drinking out of a half yard. I think
just about everyone had to do a down-down for something. Mine, being
my glorious debut on a certain national sports network. I sign my
Nike endorsement contract tomorrow. The place "BAR NY" wasn't too bad
though I am told that they have a terrible pool table from Mike. Miho
(One of my country-men (woman) does a pretty mean down-down. Food was
pizza which was fine by all of us {except for the Anchovie Pie. --CF}.
Civilians were Crofty, Mike Murphy, Lisa (not Flick) and Peter. Then
they started showing up (insert Love Boat music or something really
cheesy here). First a trickle then in droves. "16, 15, 15, OOOhhhh,
she's gotta be 14." For all you hashers who like (hmm, what shall we
call them, "Jail bait" or perhaps "that younger crowd"), Friday night
at Bar NY is the place for you. It was a little frightening. I guess
bar NY has decided that the amount of money they get from underage
drinkers is worth a few days closure on violations of serving alcohol
to minors. They were so cute with their little glittery speckles on
their cheeks. OH IS SCHOOL OUT FOR SUMMER. With vengeance. {Was
that haiku? --CF}
(Note to self; remind self to use Bar NY again)
In fact, said episode happened in woman's bathroom at Bar NY
After we ran out of hash cash, (It was a time deal, really cheap beer
until a set time. Of course if Geoff had told us we would have had
much more in the limited space of time), we all ended up at the top of
Peter's building. He graciously volunteered his roof top to us all.
Everybody except Alice, who disappeared on the way there. It is still
not clear where she went. Alice called Peter's number to try to get
someone to let her up, saying she was right on the corner.
Unfortunately since we were all on the roof nobody was there to get
the phone, and Alice didn't mention that she was on the wrong corner.
However, we finally saw her wandering aimlessly down the street, and
with the cry of "on-on" she was soon among the rest of us.
One final note, Peter, your cigar is here. Enjoy.
{"Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar." --Freud "Yeah, but what's
Yoshi really saying here, Siggy?" --CF} | Home - AOL | Home - Prodigy | What's New | E Mail | Last update 9/8/97
girl #1: Megan you look sooooooo good. I don't think I haven't ever
seen you look soooooo good.
(Note to the reader: They both more or less have dressed exactly
alike)
girl #2: You know what it is. I've been running for the last two
months. It's helped soooooo much.
girl #1 (to Janet): You run don't you? (Noticing that Janet is in
running gear)
Janet then goes on to say yes and further explains about the hash.
girl #1&2: You finish at a bar???!!! That's soooooo cool!!!!
Of course upon hearing of this tale from Janet, all the male hashers
ask in unison, "Did you give them the hotline number?"
Janet: "For their own protection I didn't think it was a good idea."