Rac(e)ism Hits the Hash!!!
Or so claimed the "NYC Enquirer" following the last Greater Gotham Full Moon Hash. Calls to the Enquirer by this scribe were ignored at first, but persistence pays off! I think the threat of using their main offices for our next On-In was what finally led them to call me back. Upon heavy questioning, they explained their headline:
"Well, we normally don't deal in scandal, but what we observed was too much for us to contain. There were MANY hashers wearing running togs, including one person who was obviously a walking NIKE endorsement. istening in to conversations about marathons and Road Runner's Club races, we learned that some people were using the Hash as actual training runs. This must account for the length of the recent Hashes! We had seen people coming in out of breath, but had attributed that to the length of the run. Hearing reports of lead-grabbing and 'Front Running Bastards', our instincts perked up. Might this drinking club actually be turning out some serious runners?
"This may not seem to be worthy of a front page headline, but when tied in with the closing events of the night, you will understand. After enjoying the Baked Ziti and conversation, our reporters were appalled by the screams of 'Where are the Jews?', 'Line 'em up against the wall', 'All good Christians are spared!'. This led to a McCarthyan scene of 'Point out the Jew'. What was this about? Could the Hash really be segregated? Could a club with no rules really be a front for a religious cult? All of this was too much to ignore, so we printed our story." This explanation was enough to convince me to call my lawyers and stop the civil defamation suit. However, I felt that our side should be told! Although not having any excuse for Dave Croft's choice of outfit, I did finally convince them that we were the same old club they had heard about.
"Funny you should mention the racing aspect of the Hash. This seems to be a new occurrence and has been widely discussed. While hashers have been doing marathons for many years, the proliferation of shorter distance runners seems to be causing the more experienced hashers some dismay. Down Downs for wearing racing garb had become so regular that unless the outfit is outrageous, the 'offense' is widely overlooked."
"The FRBs are an entirely different story. Some of them are new to the hash and feel they must prove themselves. Others are out for training runs (yes, its sad but true). And still others, like myself, just want to get to the pub as quickly as possible! The promise of beer at the end is a great motivation.
"As to the racism aspect of that night... well... I have to laugh. I was aghast when I heard those screams. I was even genuinely afraid when I ended up being pointed out and found myself trying to prove that I, in fact, was NOT Jewish, although having a Jewish last name. Luckily, I was spared!
Some investigation of my own provided the answer to these worrisome actions: A Hare was needed for the next Full Moon Hash, which happened to fall on the Friday following Christmas. Assuming that all good Christians would be away with families, the call went up for any non-Christmas celebrators to volunteer for this esteemed duty. Needless to say, when no one piped up and the HairRaiser started grabbing people, all friendships ended. The mad scramble to avoid being 'drafted' led to all types of finger pointing and accusations. The HairRaiser relented, and everyone settled back down.
"So, you see, the hash is still just a fun group of people, out to enjoy themselves and get a bit of exercise as well".
With both sides satisfied, the Enquirer wished us all 'Happy Holidays' and 'Good Luck' in finding a Hare.
That settled, I realized that I had most of my write-up done. I would have ended there, but the Hares went to so much trouble setting the trail (they must have worked HOURS on it!), it has to be mentioned. Starting at Astor Place, after pushing that cube around in circles a few times, we set off directly South. Good start, except for the fact that the trail went directly East! Into Thompkins Square Park for a nasty check, South to the Lower East Side and into another Check at the WillyB bridge. I found myself "checking" with a visitor from Hawaii who complained about the marks. "How can you have a mark on one corner point one way (into a False) when the trail really goes the other?" I just told him "That's the nature of NYC. Never believe anything you are told!" We continued together down to Police Plaza with me pointing out the seedier sides of Chinatown. I like being a tour guide. Kudos to the Hares for the next check: Brooklyn Bridge. After coming across the bridge on Monday night, we were fearful of crossing that trail. Maybe this accounts for the slowness of finding the true trail, but, on a positive note, we did get to watch Steve Kurtzer and Ross run across the bridge twice! The memory gets hazy here, probably from lack of oxygen, but I distinctly remember a blind charge to "Ryan's Irish Pub", the Fat Boy find on Gold St., and many groans when the trail continued straight past. All that wasted energy. Surely the end was near.
Close... but not near enough. Seems a detour through Battery Park was necessary, and a run along the lower Hudson Promenade, back towards the Park, and, once more, back along the Promenade. This maze was fun to run, except for the 70 MPH headwinds buffeting us. Eventually we made it to the World Trade and into the World Trade, but first we had to endure the lures of Moran's and the Pipeline. Through the Trade Center, down the escalators, oops..., back up the escalators, and out into the Plaza. Along Church Street, down to Hudson, down to West Broadway, past the backend of both Puffy's and North River (more temptation), and On-In at the Nancy Whiskey.
As far as I recall, this is one of the older drinking establishments in NYC. A bit crowded and definitely not built for the claustrophobic, there were many worries about the strength of the loft. Luckily, the ceilings provided only an inch or so in headway, so no one felt the urge to test it by jumping. The beer flowed freely, the ziti was fantastic (albeit a bit wet!) and the patrons seemed to take our group in stride. Some were even bold enough to flirt with Jenny and Rebecca. Down Downs were handed out, Dave's being the only noteworthy one (ok... the only one I remembered). Hazy memories of a suggestion to go Uptown for more drinks at 11:30 (or was it later), but my car awaited and my friends were pulling me along.
A nice job by the Hares and a great On-In. On Out.
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