I’d just like to say up front that Mike Hoffman, it a fit of extreme insanity, came up to me almost three hours into this hash, and SEVERAL beers in the bag, and had the audacity to ask me to write the Hash Trash. Foolishly, I agreed…………… I’m a dolt.

Tourists in attendance:
Rear Buccaneer, Muffalotta, Benyea, Mount Dora, Pearl Necklace, Nipple Rash, Tweedle Me, Studfinder, Sexually Frustrated, Spike, Steamer, Jenny Cream, Pay Per View, Mothballs, Monsterbator, Straight Jacket, ShineOn Harvard Moon, Cornballer, Slurpee.

The trail was great as I finally got to see new, virgin (to me) sections of Central Park. It was only too unsurprising to note that few, if any, New Yorkers even noticed us run by. The costume quality was, shall we say, varied. But hey, this was just a prelude to the next day. An excuse to get into the City, drink a few beers and eat greasy pizza -- again.

Bonus round:
The hash as written by an out of towner. I’ve left the misspelled words in for perspective! Cretins………

That Christmas Tree Chick takes over…
FRIDAY NIGHT:
Stud Finder, Pearl Necklace, Slurpee, Izetts, and Mary Beth met us (Corn Baller, Monster, Coach, Sandy, and Tweedel Me) at the Gramercy Park Hotel bar. Having no Idea where the hash was, we set out for food and more beer. After finding some Indian food Pete's Pub was a cool enough place to drop a few bucks. I will never get used to spending $5:00 for a glass of beer; we in Milwaukee are accustom to the $4:00 pitcher. Having 8 people in a room is an experience all on it's own.

SATURDAY MORNING:
The match lighting began as one by one we all took our turn in the shitter. It seems that hot and spicy food reacts pretty much the same way in all of us..... Come on ice cream!!! Monster and Stud Finder made their way to the corner deli for fresh juice, bagels, and coffee. The service was very New York. The clerk is always right, and you better know what the fuck you want when he is prepared for your order. Otherwise it's Bye-Bye! The spray pant fumes, mixed the hot glue, fabric pant and the toilet fumes to create a less than appetizing atmosphere. BUT there were costumes to make! We finished and were dressed for the subway ride to the hash..... Heavens Gate (Monster as the bald leader Marshal, Tweedles, Slurpee, Earl, and Studfinder as followers), Popeye and Olive (Coach and Sandy) and Christmas Tree (myself). On the subway I seemed to be the most popular. It was either because I was handing out candy canes, or because New Yourkers don't read the paper and had no idea what Heavens Gate was.

We were unusually prompt for the hash and decided to have a quick beer at a nearby bar. Only to find that when we returned, the hash had left without us. Slurpee, Earl and I were DFL. We hashed through Central Park. This is where we ran in to the local newboot Elliot (or idiot as we called him) I think he will be a fine hasher; he told up on the hash that "This is way better than running". We exited the park and headed for the projects. One nice young man yelled to me "Yo Christmas tree..... You ugly ass bitch". Thinking that a candy cane would not be my best defense I picked up the pace a notch! On In to the Dive Bar. Great place! I am told that there was hash food, however I did not see it, nor did I smell it. That was fine by me, as the Pakistani all you can eat buffet we had for lunch was still threatening its return. Pay Per View was there with stories of the wedding in Baltamore. She got so excited she left her wallet in the ladies room. Fortunatly for her another hasher found it first!

JENNY CREAM, MUFFALOTA, BUCCANEER, SLAM DUNK, and a bunch more marathoners joined us. They needed rest so we sent them away and headed for the parade. This is where things get fucked up. Some of us made it through the police barricade and others did not. Earl was completely on her own. She opted for Monster Sushi, and had TWO saki with her fish. Monster, Mount Dora, Tweedles, Benwa(?), and myself were tired of getting pushed around on the side walk so we jumped into the parade! This after we pissed off a bunch of locales in a fern bar "hey buddy, ever see a christmas tree's tits." Eventually we all made it back to the hotel.

MARATHON SUNDAY
Bathroom scene pretty much like Friday Morning only worse! Sight seeing, and shopping on the way to 23 mile mark. The beer arrived as we did. We watched the for the first white guy, the first bald guy, the first guy with bloody nips, the first woman, the first person with shit in her pants... etc. After 45 minutes of this we headed to the Hogs and Heifers which is located on the 18 mile mark. Some of our friends from last year were there. We cheered on runners, encouraging them with beer and tits. Jenny Cream spotted us and flashed us before we could flash her! The bar tender returned my Waukesha Hard Cock shirt that I had given him the previous year (YEA STEVE). They gave us the bull horn so that we could be more obnoxious than we already were "Lime green jello". WE LOVE THIS BAR. Tweedles, Stud and I dance on the bar, showed off a few stupid hasher tricks and it was off to the on-on. Refusing to eat pizza again, we didn't give up hash cash, but we got our own food, and our own beer. Just our luck, there was a great sushi place across the street (YEA EARL).

This is when the OLD STUD FINDER started to appear. I only have one thing to say on that subject..... SLUG FINDER. With what was left of the NYC hash in tow we headed back to Hogs and Heifers for more nekid bar top dancin. Eventually we all made it back to the hotel! We checked the lobby bar thinking Mr. Jackson might be there waiting for us.

MONDAY MORNING
Much of the same only worse. Really bad bagel spread, and Juice. Showers for most of us, but Slug Finder was on a non shower mission. On out to the Sushi bar!!!!!! finished eating, got bags, got cabs, and took off for the air port. All and all another great hash weekend.

Thanx NYC Hash for the good time.

On OUT Cornballer

ps. NYC hash, please do NOT have the next years onon at the Hogs and Heifers. We like our hash away from the hash!!!

Another fine hash! Next year, I opt to get the visitors drunk IMMEDIATELY, before the hash starts. In two hours they'll all be passed out. Hash Management, please note the postscript above. I believe an appropriate hash ritual punishment is due these wankers next year.

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