Hare: Elaine Kerr and Chris
Rust Start: Sixth Avenue and Central Park South
On-In: Malachy’s/72nd
Street and Columbus Avenue Scribe:
Christine Hinz
It has been just over a year since Elaine’s infamous “Seinfeld” theme run where I had my very first Hash Melt-Down. As many know, Elaine lost the entire pack after the first check on a sweltering city night. Then, when we finally found the trail about three hours later, she offered up a “Junior Mint” check where we all gagged down half-coagulated chocolate pudding shots laced with peppermint schnapps. In the end, the On-In was too small, the crowd too big, pizza nowhere to be found and I stomped off into the night vowing to never hash again.
So much for ultimatums.
As one might imagine, it was with fear and
trepidation (combined with the martyr-like excitement of taking on the
impossible hash challenge) that I decided to run Elaine’s summer trail. I spent the entire week in preparation. I carbo-loaded. I hydrated. I caught up on
my sleep. I altered my “training” by
begging off the bike and putting in more mileage on my sneaks. I even showed up to the start with water,
Snickers bars, and plenty of quarters, just in case. I was not to be outdone, however, as Trish showed up with a
sleeping bag, in the not-so-off-chance that she found herself still looking for
the trail after Midnight.
The run brought us straight into Central Park and
right to a quickly solvable check. Then
a little further to another easily solvable check. I began working up a sweat, but kept with the pack and was
impressed to see that there was, in fact, a trail. Not only that, as we made it to the check at Belvedere Castle, we
all took a moment to relax and enjoy the breathtaking view. On we went, quickly solving checks, staying
on trail, waiting for the worst to come.
And guess what? It never
came. About as close as we got to
having the shit hit the fan was when the trail went into the grounds of the
Museum of Natural History and we had to box around the block to pick it back up
again. I also got a bit nervous when I
saw that we would be doing a beer check as indicated by the BEER NEAR notation
on the street. But the beer was
good. And surprisingly refreshing! With that it was a quick jaunt to the On-In
at Malachy’s.
Now, things seemed a little dicey here at
first. It was crowded inside and hot
outside, but there was plenty of water and beer, and the chicken wings got
served up right upon our arrival and were pretty much flowing and readily
available all night long. In fact, we
had such good hashing karma that our overwhelming presence didn’t even offend
the kind older couple trying to enjoy a pint while visiting with their son. I might even go so far as to say that they
kind of, um, embraced us. It
seems that our septuagenarian friend Jerry from California overheard Peter’s
trying to determine who was the first in to the bar. When the gentleman responded that he beat us all since he had
arrived far earlier in the evening, we rewarded his moxy with the rabbit ears,
gave him a down-down and pushed some haberdashery upon his wife.
Other down-downs went to virgins Sherry, Albert and
Nicholas; visitors Capt. Knockers and Jasper and author Yi who wrote an article
about the hash which appears in this month’s issue of Outside (complete
with NYCH3 pics!). In addition, Junior
won the AOTW Award for pulling an impressive “boot and rally” maneuver the
weekend prior. Then, in a proper hash
farewell, Peter gave Ariane a tankard (a beer mug with an inscription – not a
pack of ornery drunks looking for trouble, as I originally thought) as Ariane
bid us au revoir for far bigger hashing opportunities in Europe.
Later
that night, hashing nirvana was nearly reached when (count ‘em) THREE
hash hook-ups were sighted by this scribe, while the rest of us got down to
some serious hashing boogie. Trying to
relieve his back to school jitters, Steve Yoman led the pack, impressing the
babes with his tango and swing dance moves, but the beer got the best of him
and he finally fell asleep on a bar stool.
Crofty and I also tried to cut a rug, and it was all we could do to keep
Tito from squirming on the floor.
As it turns out, any potential meltdowns on this
evening would be by the overworked bar staff and patrons who just wished we
would go home already. It also needs to
be noted here that Elaine should be heartily congratulated. She has had a long and very evil spell of
bad hash karma. As a result, she has
put up with a lot of hash flack, has had to do many a down-down and has even
tried, albeit unsuccessfully, to obtain absolution through a redemption
run. In the end, she always had a
smile, has always been a good sport, and as all the others who came out last
Wednesday can attest, she has finally come out the other end truly
triumphant. Three cheers!!