NYCH3 Run# 816 Hares:
Ariane Juzen & Heather Malloy Start: Canal St.
On-In: Mojo’s, Houston &
Allen Scribe: Dave Long
No,
this isn’t a reference to Heather’s arrival at the start, but to the “theme” of
this week’s run, namely that it was Chinese New Year and this is apparently the
Year of the Dragon. Heather was in fact sporting a cycling shirt of the rare
not-too-garish variety which if you looked closely was covered in little
dragons, or dragonettes as they are known. She was beaten hands down in the
fashion stakes though by the returning Devo, sporting a very tasty Hawaiian
shirt, one week early for the Hawaiian shirt run but never mind. Ariane was
back from wherever and straight back down to the business of trail-setting,
while for once Mickey Mouth chose to run the trail rather than set it, of which
more later.
Don't put your daughter on
the stage…
An
enthusiastic pack of forty odd set off north and west through the desolate
streets of Tribeca. It was a glorious day, sunny and a lot warmer than people expected
judging by the number of people seen stripping off layers of clothing during
the trail. What with it being Chinese New Year and all, it was somewhat of a
no-brainer that the trail would at least pass through Chinatown, if not end
there. Sure enough, a few checks later found us heading east on Canal. Here, a
news reporter was spotted breaking the exciting news to an uncaring public about
C.N.Y. and dragons etc. A couple of the
more starstruck members of the pack apparently saw this as a chance at their
five seconds of fame, and dashed across the street so they could be seen in
shot. No, not Lipstick Leslie as you might think (you have to call her agent if
you want her to audition), but
Christine and another equally sad but alas now anonymous person. An act which
did not go unnoticed, or unpunished.
The
trail headed north and pottered about the lower east side, in fact looking at
my map I'm sure it must have crossed over itself at at least one point. FRBs
abounded on this run, but the trail was cunning enough to keep the pack fairly
well together. Even Hard Man was heard to remark that the trail had kept him
guessing all the way round, which is kind of like O.J. remarking that yeah, he
was the real killer. Heading back west on Houston, we were on-in to Mojo's, the
bar with the biggest windows in New York. This place is like drinking in a fish
tank - quite apt really, considering that hashers tend to drink like fishes. As
Fluffy pointed out, this was in fact the penultimate weekend that Mojo's was to
be in business, since the owner, Maria, is apparently selling up and moving on.
I don't suppose that we did much to convince her she'd made a mistake either.
Asshole Of The Week, Part 1
Once
the place was heaving and the windows were nicely steamed up to thwart prying
eyes outside, Crofty and Trotskyo called the circle to order. There were many
awards to get through, including the aforementioned TV stars, Danny for falling
over, and Melissa for allegedly molesting some guy on trail. Devo was awarded
the Order of the Rabbit Ears for being first one in, ominously he seemed to
grow very attached to them during the course of the evening and says he's planning
on getting them every week. Evidently we're going to have to award something
much more embarrassing in future. There were no less than three "new
shoe" down-downs, which highlighted an apparent discrimination going on in
the hash, whereby only blokes have to drink from their shoes. Bull! The hash demands
that both sexes behave in an equally disgusting manner! Trotskyo was downed for
being a wimp and not making his girlfriend drink from her shoe - well, what
would you do if it were a choice between that and getting some?
One
award remained - The Order of the Plunger, or Asshole of the Week. It was now
that the truth was revealed about why Mickey Mouth was in fact pack, not hare
for this run. As it turned out, the Chinese thing had been all her idea and she
had even promised Chinese food checks and the works - only to bag out at the
last moment. A stinky deed which deserved a chug from a plunger. Maybe when MM
returns from Tasmania, we'll 'fess up to
her that the hash plunger had been forgotten, and we had to borrow the bar's.
Asshole Of The Week, Part 2
An
evidently good deal struck by Heather and Ariane kept the beer flowing well
into the evening. Rather too well in fact, so that the occasional ghost of hash
nakedness reared its ugly head, or in this case, reared its ugly rear. As usual
in these matters, the originator was none other than Rick, who decided to start
flashing his ass at everyone. Pretty soon bets were being made on who had the
best ass (more discrimination, since only the men were on display, with the
exception of Michele who flashed her rear for about a nanosecond in an apparent
act of solidarity with her boyfriend) - I'm not sure if any money changed
hands, but I wouldn't be surprised. Your poor unsuspecting scribe was "pantsed"
while innocently trying to get a beer at the bar. Michele,
arch-pantser-in-chief, was out of control and looking for blood, goaded on by
Christine and Melissa among others.
Hash
Top 6 Asses Of The Week:
1.
Michele
(on the basis that a nanosecond glimpse of a woman's ass will always beat a
bloke's ass hands down)
2.
Jeff
"Canteloupe" Feinsod - small, but perfectly formed
3.
Dave
Bumfluff Long - good crowd reaction despite hairiness
4.
Fluffy
Nelson - now we know how he got his name
5.
Big
Bad Steve Yoman - in at no.5 with his biggest hit yet
6.
Rick
The Belly Chann - best assets are in front, not behind
Timmy
was going to be another victim but refused, to the relief of some and the disappointment
of others. I enquired as to whether Maria might like to join in, but she
replied in the negative shall we say, and had no doubt concluded by this time
that we were all a bunch of weirdos. Not only that, but weirdos who refused to
leave her bar! The end was near though, and as I trudged out I wondered if we
might get any support for a wet t-shirt competition at one of the upcoming
hashes. Any takers?
On
out.