I grew up in Philadelphia not far from where the Declaration of Independence
was read on July 4th 1776. As I headed to the hash I thought that it was ironic
that I was going to be spending the 4th with a number of my British friends
( at least four who are named Dave). I had pointed out in "Patriotic Pride"
to Leslie Brough the day before that she was Lucky that we had won the war.
If the British had won she would have not had a holiday on the 4th. With her
sharp British wit she retorted that if the British had won we'd all have five
weeks paid leave as opposed to one piddling holiday and two weeks vacation.
So much for history.
By 3:15 a group of 20 were waiting at the start enjoying the clearing sky wondering
where the Hare was. A few minutes later "Action Man" appeared. He told us he
was forced to run from the "on in" since there were no cabs in the area ( a
bad sign ). We were informed that this would be a "Malaysian Trail" ( I think
that means a disaster) with lots of Shiggy. We then headed off. After a mile
or so of urban running we entered the South End of Flushing Meadow park. The
first checks we encountered gave us an idea of what we were in for. It appears
that "Malaysian trail" means that at each check you have a false trail and the
real trail starting a quarter mile or so from the check ,both marks are completely
hidden from view. Apparently in Malaysia people don't mind hashing four hours
since there is little else to do if you're an expat in that Islamic Southeast
Asian Country.
We came upon a check in front of a lake (it was an odd blue green color and
looked like a great breeding ground for Nile river virus baring mosquitoes).
Most of us headed off on the right side of the lake only to find that it was
a back check. We looked across the lake at Dave "the body" Croft smugly running
on trail. We back checked and headed off. After a few more "lost patrol" checks
the group had broken into four or five ranging groups each assuming they knew
where they were going. A few people had called in only to find that the on in
was at a location that was not identified by an address ( I guess they don't
use them in Malaysia). Somehow people found parts of the trail (mostly by accident)
since it was so difficult to find the trail people gave up on going back and
marking checks (they would have never found them again anyway). So each group
was left to fend for themselves.
Our group of 6 lost souls included Margarette . She was a former Queens resident
so she was confident she could lead us home (It must have been a long time ago
that she lived there because she had no idea where she was going). After a half
an hour more of ranging we were at the former site of the worlds fair "Flushing"(Some
how "Flushing Queens" sounds like a bizarre play like "Urine town and not a
site for a worlds fair). As we approached the Fountain of Planets Andrew and
Tim (now famous for designing the "stickman" hash tee-shirt) were lured away
from any further hashing by the sound of a Mister Softee truck (they also found
a taxi).
Strangely after another half hour of ranging plops of flour appeared again leading
us into "the shiggy". Also people started to appear. We came across a dazed
Jessie ( he looked like Tom Hanks in Castaway). Stacy popped out of the woods
with a male escort (I wonder how she got the grass in her hair?). We encountered
Roy at a check (we had spotted him a quarter mile ahead of us running back and
forth aimlessly like a target in a shooting gallery). With his experience we
were able to clear that check in a mere 20 minutes. After a mile or so more
of running through woods, fields and golf courses we found (by accident) the
"On In One" golf club house (a golf club in Queens is an oxymoron but the name
was very hash like). The "on in" was taking place on the deck. We were very
surprised to be the first group in having hashed for over 2 hours. As the survivors
showed up this lovely spot started to take on the image of a battlefield hospital.
Most people were suffering from severe dehydration. Diane had retourn her hamstring
(Sucks applied immediate massage but apparently failed anatomy since he kept
attempting to massage another muscle that is more centered and rhymes with Deloris.
It took a little under four hours for the last hasher to arrive (Alice of course).
Steve Yoman just broke three hours. We all agreed that even Pat and Elaine would
have a tough time of topping this as "worst run of the year". At the down downs
"Action Man" seemed delighted with the negative press (he had been drinking
for two hours waiting for us) he proudly accepted the "plunger". Jim (a brit
friend of Lesley Broughs brother) was the FRB ( he had just completed ranger
training). Since most of us had not eaten in 7-8 hours we looked forward to
the Burgers and Hot dogs that were being grilled on the deck. Unfortunately
"Action Man" had opted for Pizza (another reason to make this the worst of the
year). The fluid replacement continued well into the night (beer was the fluid
of choice). Sucks, Fluffy and "Action Man" seemed eager to share their fluids
with any of our female hashers. They attempted to charm and fondle all the women
who were still present. The locals treated us to a wonderful illegal fireworks
display (It was now to late to see the real one in the city). We were treated
to a wonderful rendition of the "Star Spangled Banner" by two unlikely Brits
Geoff and Crofty.
Fearing we would never get transportation home the last survivors left a little
after 10:45. (Action Man had to be revived, he was sleeping on the 14th green).
We waited on an unmarked spot for "the bus". Geoff, Alice and "Action Man opted
to walk to the train. The bus arrived shortly after their departure and we were
delighted to be able to waive at them as we zoomed by heading in a circuitous
route to the 7 train. When we arrived a Grand Central we were treated to a fireworks
finale by Peter Trunfio. As we entered the 4 train Peter remained on the Platform.
As we looked out the window we observed a wonderful display of "Projectile Vomiting"
and mothers seeking protection for their children. We were very pleased that
we were safe and sound in the subway with the doors closed".
I can't wait till next year.