Just how does one celebrate the thirty…er, twenty-ninth birthday of a vibrant
female hasher aptly named "Diva Ultima?" A quiet dinner a deux at a romantic
restaurant? A small gathering of friends at a local pub? A birthday cake at
the office? Perhaps some, or even all of these, but for our diva in particular,
fans and friends gathered in front of the British Consulate to take in the "ultimate"
trail in honor of our Rebecca.
We set off on a roundabout through midtown Manhattan. Over to Park Avenue and
then back to the East Side near the UN. South a bit, then back West to the backside
of Pershing Square, where we had the "ultimate diva" check - which only Rebecca
could solve. The clue was a mysterious 'Samsonite,' and Diva stood in front
of all (even those FRBs Devo, Freddy-John and Hardy who waited patiently), and
guessed Bryant Park. Now, I still don't know the particulars, but given Diva's
free-spiritedness and need to travel back and forth across the pond I could
only guess that Bryant Park was Diva's first stop off point when she found herself
ultimately dropped in the middle of NYC on her first adventure abroad.
The trail continued…and continued….and continued…until we lost half the pack
who were guessing an on-in at Ellen O'Dee's while the rest of us nearly checked
ourselves into Bellvue Hospital for our ultimate exhaustion from the length
of the trail and the humidity. At one point, the entire pack was strewn all
along First Avenue without a clue about which way to go. Marta and Yi Shun went
north, Cree was mysteriously in the middle of the pack, while Elaine swore South.
Finally the pack headed East again and south to Waterside Towers to an on-in
at an ultimate outdoor patio bar and restaurant - complete with balmy temperatures,
buckets (upon buckets) of beer, an ultimately relentless server and equally
as unsurpassed night sky.
Apparently hares Mike and Steve had scored the ultimate deal on beer and we
were to drink until we dropped, or until the clock turned 12:30 a.m. - whichever
came first.
We gathered early for the ultimate of down-downs early in the proceedings, which
were given to the "ultimate trailblazers," Mike and Steve (who happens to be
a virgin hare). Diva Ultima was then praised, followed by the gaggle of "diva
wannabes" Gail, Claudia, Sheila, Lynn, Keith, Brian, et. al. for their virgin
initiations. The "ultimate May-September visitors" from Vancouver then followed,
but not before Mike and Kerry were brought up for the "ultimate in public displays
of affection." Dave Hardy was then singled out for doing the "ultimate f*ck-up"
on trail and while we were on the subject of fornication, Fireman Bob was brought
up for the "ultimate bad alibi" for claiming that a dog tried to hump him (we
know you liked it, Bob!). Finally, Devo, Freddy-John and Dave #6 received the
AOTW award for the "ultimate tribute" to divas in general - choosing to wear
bright pink, Rick James and blonde bob wigs, respectively, on the trail.
Although food seemed to be lacking at first, our host bar came through - but
not until Andrew proved himself to be the "truly ultimate asshole" by trying
to cut in the food line to get seconds on food before those who had not yet
eaten. It was then that my "ultimate bitch hunger" came through and I yelled
at him to try to put him in his place. Unsuccessful in phasing him at all, I
tossed down a couple more beers and hit the road for home with the ultimate
summer buzz. Happy birthday, Diva Ultima!!