NYCH3 Run No. 838

Hares: Andy Millard and Beth Scarborough

Start: Williams and Fulton Street

On-In: G.B. Shaw’s

Scribe: Christine Hinz

While the start was at Fulton and Williams, this hash started for me at the 41^st Street and Third Avenue location of New York Sports Club, where I dashed into to change before heading to the Lexington Avenue trains to the Wall Street area. Not thinking I’d ever run into another hasher in a gym, there was Ewa, fresh from a pre-hash workout heading out of the locker room to the downtown start.

Now, ordinarily this wouldn’t pose any dilemma for me. Usually, I’d say “hi” and “wait for me, we’ll head down together.” But since Ewa is the queen of haberdashery design, I was afraid of what her reaction might be when she saw that I had committed Hari-Kari on my Ewa-designed AGM t-shirt, which I had planned to debut for the first time this evening. Bleaching the hell out of it (one cup bleach and cold water, soak for an hour…), somehow, I felt it might be easier for her to handle my attempt at individuality in a group setting, so I shooed her off to the start ahead of me, trying to avoid a pre-hash, woman’s locker room confrontation.

Late to the start because of train delays, I got off the train and found myself face to face again with Ewa, along with DB2, Lesley and Peter. But there were bigger issues at hand aside from my stinkin’ t-shirt, namely that the hash had already begun, and we ran through the Wall Street area, with a lot of onlookers moving us forward through the trail. From little kids on roller blades to Korean deli workers to pan handlers, they all offered up “They went that way,” so before long we found ourselves with the pack at a check on Chambers and the West Side Highway.

That’s where the pack split up. I spotted Jimmy Akbari headed south, and when I saw that he kept running more than two blocks, I figured he had to be on trail so I convinced John Burke to run south as well, and drafted off of him for a bit. We crossed over to the Financial Center area, then headed further south to Battery Park. I was pretty happy with the trail, since it was a rather scenic run, what with the water and Operation Sail on the horizon, urban parklands in full bloom, and having finally ditched Ewa, but bitching and moaning hashers noted, “this run looks all too familiar.”

Indeed it did.

Now, as far as trails go, we all know that if Mike Bahamonde is going to set a trail, it’s going to be long. If Devo sets it, it’s going to be adventurous. And if Pat and Elaine set a trail, we all know to bring plenty of quarters and a compass. But when Andy sets a trail, it’s like hashing Nirvana. Really. This guy has it all figured out and should really think about a future living in giving “How to Set a Perfect Hash Run” seminars throughout the world.

Andy uses the perfect amount of arrows and checks and the perfect chalk. His trails seem almost choreographed and always bring us to beautiful places. Remember the Winter Wednesday run in the Village, when we ran nearly five miles within a two-mile radius, like a virtual maze? This was hashing high-art at its finest. Yet, as we continued this evening’s run, it did seem more and more like a déjà vu from a run we did last February, and once we made it to the on-in, it was pretty clear we had just done a “hash re-run.”

Down-downs went to Andy and Beth as the hares, as well as to three virgins who hailed from Minnesota, Oregon and Tokyo. Then we also had three visitors from the far-off lands of New Zealand, Turkey and Australia (Actually, that’s not true. I never figured out where they were actually from, probably Pittsburgh, but I thought I’d spice this section up a bit…). After all, what followed were a sweet and loving couple of old-timers, I think from New Jersey, but then again, maybe they were the ones from Pittsburgh or New Zealand. Then Heather got a down-down for sporting new sneaks but wasn’t sporting enough to drink out of her shoe, while Rick got a down-down for having bad karma when it comes to speeding tickets (just stop riding shotgun, okay?). Finally, Ewa and I were brought up for our showdown regarding the aforementioned AGM t-shirt, but I think we both had had enough to drink by then so it really didn’t matter anymore. Besides, it’s all about artistic expression, right?

Finally, Andy got the Asshole of the Week Award for making his gal Beth carry all the bags to the On-In (yes, chivalry is dead, folks). For a moment, we all thought Andy might have been saved by the wiseass at the bar who was the owner’s friend. But given the fact that this evening really was an encore performance, right down to the incredible spicy Indian food and plenty of cold beer, I guess he deserved it. Then again, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

On-out.