The summer throngs of hashing seem to be getting off to a slow start. As is
tradition, the first summer trail of the year was hosted by the incoming J.M.s
and, as usual, kept people at home. In addition, we still have no idea how to
set the new hotline so The Hashers Who Don't Hash haven't been showing up. Then
there's Elaine and her infamous trails -- a real hash draw, if ever there was
one.
Now, don't get me wrong, we love Elaine. In fact, I consider Elaine the unsung
hero of the NYCH3. She sets shitty trail after shitty trail and then tries to
make up for it all with a beer check, Jell-O shot stop, or by baking chocolate
chip cookies for all five people who actually show up for her runs. Yet for
all her efforts, and those additional efforts at redemption, she was recently
recognized at the AGM for not only setting shitty trails, but for setting equally
as horrible pack marks that heavily contributed to the debacle that nearly earned
David Byron Brown the Worst Trail of the Year Award.
But Elaine doesn't do this on purpose. She actually means really, really well
(Really!). And to prove it, she decided to set one of the first trails of the
summer on Roosevelt Island. Why? My theory is that setting a trail on Roosevelt
Island ensured a low turnout that could only be blamed on the location, and
not the hare. Setting a trail on Roosevelt Island also made it an easy excuse
for Elaine to set an A to A run, where virtually nobody could be lost. Finally,
setting a trail on Roosevelt Island ensured that if any of the pack did get
lost, the worst thing that could happen would be that they would fall into the
river. And if that happened, then the hashing victims would look so stupid on
their own that we couldn't dare blame Elaine for their demise.
And so a small group gathered under a chilly and darkened sky and set out on
trail. We ran north to the lighthouse, then back south past the Goldwater Hospital
and back to the tram. In between we ran past the only bar on the island, stopped
to smell the roses in the lovely urban garden and pondered life in the wretched
housing developments that are the centerpiece of the island. We pretended to
be stumped by checks but we were just being polite, and the trail was more like
a fun run - if there really is such a thing (unless you're in pursuit of beer,
of course!). Back at the tram, Elaine liquored-up the crowd with a summer rum
punch and we did an informal buddy check before buying tokens and heading out
en masse to the Carriage House back in Manhattan.
Upon arrival, beer and water were at the ready in copious amounts. We settled
in and gathered for down-downs. We toasted our unsung hero for her trail, gave
Steve Douglass the ears for his quickness, welcomed an obnoxious "furry thing"
visitor from Florida, as well as virgins Charlie and Paul. We toasted Lesley
for her birthday and Action Man for trying to ditch his wife. Diva had to drink
for her new sneakers - and impressed me by not dripping a bit when she chugged
out of her shoe. Then we tried to award Cree the AOTW for swinging on the tram
and nearly dumping the entire hash into the East River - but he cut out of the
festivities early so we gave it to Jesse for doing the full clothing change
into his nighttime prowling outfit.
Later, things got really interesting as I chatted up our little Sphincter of
the Week after he slaughtered a goon-ish pool sharp at the billiard table. Apparently,
beer is like truth serum for Jesse (so I encourage others to take full advantage).
It was in this discussion that I learned how he and Sarah DownUnder met and
became friends…how unfair it is that Peter never has to do a down-down because
he's the JM (and I just thought it was because he was perfect) …and… (although
Jesse swore me to secrecy)…the mad method that Sarah uses to disguise her sneakers
from looking too new at a run (Hint: Maybe it's Maybeline…).
Till next time…