The 15th Annual Genital Meeting for the New York City Hash House Harriers saw a huge turnout in Washington Square Park - about 3 thousand people or so. It was really quite amazing. But unfortunately only a small fraction of that were there for the hash - everyone else was there for god knows what festival and chose our day to use the park. Order was called by returning Joint Master Viagra Vince Cloud who described the trail as long and poorly marked with falses, none of which were marked. Seems Vince hasn't lost his trailsetting touch after his move to Florida. We stuffed our bags into the Hash Mobile (somebody's Geo Metro) and off we went. Although we were directed to run through the park to find the first mark we all ignored Vince, as usual, and ran around the park.
The trail headed west and south through the tiny streets of Greenwich Village and headed into the West Village and then to the West Side Highway. We then looped back east and north until we entered Washington Square again, this time leaving from the northeast corner. The trail continued a bit north and then eastwards until it went through Tompkins Square Park and then returned west along St. Marks Avenue and up 2nd Avenue to the United Ukrainian Something Or Other. It seemed the trail only ended because the hares ran out of chalk and flour and not due to any concern of theirs with getting us in under 10 miles. The "On-In" instructions on the ground told us to go through the restaurant and into the back room.
Altogether a nice trail, if a bit long and with a surplus of checks, but all right considering the gorgeous weather and the occasion.
And so began the Annual General Meeting. Forget December 31st, Year of the Hare etc. - as anyone who likes to run and get falling down drunk knows, the real new year starts here. Far from being what the title suggests - namely a bunch of old farts sitting around a table voting on who has the longest beard – the AGM is, in fact, a bigger and better version of a regular on-in, featuring the annual awards and the "swearing in" of the poor mugs who will become the new hash committee.
The United Ukrainian Something Or Other Hall was reached from the outside world by walking down a corridor and through a restaurant and into a double door and then down some steps. It was while walking with Jimmy down this corridor that a burst of "Spider Sense" told me that scratching my nuts right then probably wasn't such a good idea after all. There, twenty feet in front of me, behind a large pane of clear glass, was a shocked couple staring right at me. The woman was doing an impression of the "Home Alone" kid and the man had his mouth open in shock. So discretion being the better part of valor, I stopped playing my "Johnson Banjo" and carried on like the suave hasher that I am.
Once inside the Hall things immediately looked up as there were all the happy hashers and the two kegs of beer icing down. Hey, not a bad idea just buying kegs outright instead of pitchers, somebody was on the job! Everybody milled about until order was called for down-downs. Visitors and Virgins got theirs, including Mike Murphy who walked to the front to a rousing chorus of "Aaaaaasssssss-ho1e". Vince got one for being a visitor. Somebody got one for new shoes. The awards were giving out and in no particular order I recall: Brent and Jean got Couple of the Year. But they're married! Seth got Asshole of the Year I think for scamming on every woman who ever hashed ever. Fluffy got Run Of The Year for his "One Beer Only and A Piece Of Disgusting Salted Eel For You For $20 Hash Cash Plus The Restaurant Hates Us And Wants Us To Leave Now" Polar Bear Run in Brooklyn (I think the deciding factor was that any run that features Ewa's Mom is de-facto a good run). Worst Run of the Year went to poor Sanjay. I say poor Sanjay because Mike Hoffman was also responsible for that run but through skillful maneuvering he has distanced himself from the blame and has hung Sanjay out to dry. Mike Murphy got something along the lines of "Closet Homo", and after he takes the crotch in the prize silk teddy will fit him nicely. Vince got an engraved Silver Goblet for his contribution to the hash (leaving it).
The yearly awards are a momentous part of any A.G.M. and clearly the joy of winning got to Seth who was seen softly crying to himself for the rest of the evening.
Then the new officers were announced, sworn in, and did a group down-down. When the On-Sex were announced someone in the audience wisely noted that clearly the criteria for the position was to be hung like a horse. Either that, or have less hair on your head between you than Jesus Hoffman has on his.
Once again we were treated to traditional Ukrainian fare (guess they haven’t figured out how to make pizza in the Ukraine then?) - meatballs, noodles, rice etc. which besides being pretty tasty, also served to take the edge off a rather sour keg of Sam Adams which presumably we got for half price, it being past its sell by date. But then, hashers will of course drink anything.
"Whatever happened to dear old Lenin?" asked the Stranglers back in 19-frozen-to-death. As it happens, he ended up on the front of this year’s AGM T-shirt (just to clear up a point of apparent confusion: Vladimir Lenin = leader of the Russian revolution; John Lennon = guitar player with The Beatles). Yes folks, celebrations of the death of communism were premature - the red army is alive and well and running amok in the streets of NYC. Good design job by Eva and proof that, perhaps unlike the on-sec position, that of haberdasher is in capable hands.
There were some interesting sideshow to the proceedings. First was the appearance of some kind of space creature. Make that Basil, fresh from a 90 mile bike ride, wearing shades, and sporting full spandex outfit complete with cycling shoes. Was it these or just numb legs that made Basil walk like John Wayne the whole night? He also had a hairdo that some people probably spend half a bottle of gel and an hour under the hairdryer trying to recreate. I suspect the bike route may have taken a detour to the "million marijuana march", but then Basil is so laid back anyway, it’s hard to tell. Another notable late arrival was our own Bronx Bomber Timmy. Not sure whether he just started the trail late, cycled 120 miles or just stayed for a couple of extra joints at the march, or all of the above. There was also the curious sight of Vince, undaunted by its miniscule size, attempting to put Mike Murphy’s new undergarment on over his running shorts. I hear he was later admitted to hospital suffering from a nasty case of "Knoblauch".
At some point, around 8 or 9, the place seemed to clear out by half and then the serious partying started. Someone got a radio hooked up with some tapes and started dropping the phat beats. Some were dancing, some were sitting on the steps shooting the breeze, most were standing around making good on the general feeling that None Shall Leave Until The Kegs Are All Kicked. Soon enough the kegs were kicked and the remainders, about 15 of us, looked to carry on. Surprisingly enough the Ukrainian Something Or Other had a full fledged bar located on the premises so we were able to roll in there and continue the evening. We laughed, we cried, we told rousing stories of heroism and bravery, and we got tanked.
So, great Hash! Excellent job to everyone who put it together!
| www.hashhouseharriers.com | aol alternate site | e mail to webdom@hashnyc.com |
|---|