Following the success of his previous play the author has finally returned with a sequel. Once again he follows the merry band of hashers as they search for the meaning of life. All of what follows is based on actual events. In some cases the names of the characters have been changed to protect their privacy.
A Hashing Life Part 2 - Just when you thought it was safe to go back on the trail.
Act 1 - The Trail
Scene 1 - The Start
A large crowd of Hashers are gathered under the Roosevelt Island tramway.
The Hashers have blocked the sidewalk so that passers-by are forced out into
Second Avenue where they are run over by traffic exiting the bridge.
Virgin1: "So where are the lights and cameras?"
Hasher1: "Lights and cameras?."
Virgin1 (fluffing her hair and checking her lipstick): "Yeah, my friend who was here last week says the Hash is televised."
Hasher1: "I think that was just for the one run".
Finally the Hare arrives, looking relaxed, without a Hair out of place. The Hare, Bahamonde, has something of a reputation for long trails (Editors note: in fairness to Bahamonde he denies this!).
Hasher2: "So is it going to be a long one?."
Bahamonde: "No, it only took me two hours to set it. Off you go."
Scene 2 - Out on the trail
The Body, a handsome Englishman, who's good looks are spoilt only by a
tendency to hold his head slightly to the left, is struggling mightily to
keep up with two other Hashers. The other Hashers are; "Idaho", a youthful
fast runner sporting a new streamlined haircut and "Hardman", a tough
character from the north of England.
The Body (between gasps): "This is a pretty good trail. A clever use of space. The Hare keeps looping us around the same area."
Idaho: "I agree. We've run past this corner ten times already."
Hardman: "I don't know. When I was a lad we used to run f***ing trails like this in f***ing five minutes before breakfast."
The Body: "Well I think Bahamonde has done a good job, especially compared with recent runs."
Hardman: "I don't know. When I was a lad we used to run f***ing trails like this in f***ing five minutes before breakfast."
After running past the same corner for the twenty-fifth time Idaho and Hardman surge ahead leaving The Body in their dust.
Act 2 - The Bar
Ellen O'Dees Bar. Following the arrival of most of the Hashers the Joint
Masters, "The Body" and "Flick", make their usual valiant effort to conduct
the Down-Downs.
The Body and Flick (in unison): "Hash hush."
Background noise continues. Hashers converse about "important" things like the Yankees and who got laid last night.
The Body and Flick (in unison and somewhat louder): "Hash hush."
Finally the noise subsides and the Down-Downs proceed with raucous, completely tuneless singing.
Following the Down-Downs, around the bar, the hashers continue their search for spiritual enlightenment through the pursuit of intelligent conversion. Amongst the participants are: "Fleet", who has been described as a "pretty, petite Chase Manhattan banker who also runs Ultra-Marathons"; "Rug", a fresh-faced young man with two hairs hanging from his chin and "Kurtz", a fairly good looking, brooding and self-deprecating individual.
Fleet: "Well, I did 152.25 miles last week."
The Body: "Wow, an easy week then?"
Fleet: "Sure was!"
Kurtz: "The horror. The horror."
Rug: "My marathon training was going pretty well until I yanked something."
The Body: "That's not good."
Rug: "Yeah, it hurts throughout its entire length."
Kurtz: "The horror. The horror."
The Body: "You know Kurtz you should go to Africa to find yourself or something."
Kurtz: "That's an interesting idea."
Despite his injury Rug continues looking for love in all the wrong places. Rug: "I've just flown in from London for the weekend. My father is a guru in the banking software business, I'm an up-and-coming businessman and very wealthy."
Woman1: "Yeah, right."
Meanwhile "Wolf" is demonstrating his famous buttocks stretch. This involves bending at the waist until his back is horizontal and then thrusting his anus into the air. This attracts some comments.
Sick Hasher1 (looking toward Wolf): "You know there's never a cop around when you need one."
Sick Hasher2 (nodding in agreement): "Yeah, somebody should take the plunge."
"Broth" a tall, willowy blonde from the land Mel Gibson saved is searching for her spiritual high by means of inspirational music.
Broth: "Can you believe it, there's no Tom Jones on this jukebox."
Hasher4: "But they do have Abba."
Broth: "Cool, Dancing Queen is my anthem."
Down in the Men's room, which is bathed with garish neon light.
Fluffy: "Wow this blue urine matches my tights."
Woman2: "Yeah, right."
With youthful enthusiasm Rug continues looking for love in all the wrong places. Rug: "I've just flown in from London for the weekend. My father is a guru in the banking software business, I'm an up-and-coming businessman and very wealthy."
Woman3: "Yeah, right."
The crowd slowly thins out while The Body makes a last desperate effort to lead them to enlightenment.
The Body: "Follow me to the promised land. Follow me to Fitzpatrick's."
The other Hashers look at The Body with sympathy but continue to depart leaving him standing forlornly in the middle of the bar.
The curtain falls.